Will Glowacki Photography

A Returned Sense of Wonder

I awoke with a returned sense of wonder

Ideas to grow, backed by hunger

But I’ve been here before

Maybe who I truly am pulls me back under

To keep me moving on at all,

Once a week, I make plans for twice a day

I know what it is I take

The amounts, the colors, the shapes.

I know that if I say the names,

I might be revealed.

Some help, others,

I don’t know

Not until I’ve gained the weight.

I go on all the same,

Learning it day after day,

Trying to remember the lessons,

And forget the memories

Am I a realist,

Or an impressionist,

When I try to sketch who I am

With this ever changing brain?

So when I wake up with this returned sense of wonder

My mind starts to wander

Is this just another time,

My mind does anything to keep my hope alive?

A new passion to return to from time to time

Reading too much into her reply

Hoping for a quiet mind, by & by

Aspiration

When I let my thoughts wander
To where my denial spends its time
Occupying my mind’s eye
That blinks once to say that I’m alright

Is thirty just an aspiration?
A reason to floss my teeth?
Already one filling because I don’t plan for what feels out of reach
An oil change or two should get me there
I set a reminder, or else it’s forgotten,
Along side the clog I only remember when I stand in a mix of soap and yesterday.

How many Springs of little sleep,
Winters of home retreats,
Before I can see that life, as I’ve heard, is so much more?

I was told that a nice and easy exhale can calm a nerve
I can recommend how nice it can be,
To have a carpeted floor,
When you can’t find your breath after a hundred gasps or more.

I cycle through abandoning,
And reviving,
A belief that a drawer full of prescription moods will help me,
At least run a vacuum when it’s overdue.

Surrounded by stacks of plates caked in this week’s uncounted calories.
Texts from people who care about me,
Read and unanswered.
Choosing slowly building guilt over anxiously rewriting a message,
For those few.